Anatomy. I Hate It. So Much.

I'm supposed to be studying the pelvic wall right now, but I can't stand it and need a break. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm even a quarter of the way through the lecture and I'm starting to wish that I payed attention in class for this one. Yet the reason that I have difficulty paying attention in the first place is the same reason why I am not studying right now - I simply hate this subject! So much! Ironic, right, since my future profession is centered on knowledge of the human body. Maybe it's the way anatomy is taught at my school, or maybe it's the fact that I don't care for this subject. It's so cut and dry, so meh meh meh, know this border, know that ligament, know every God damn artery and vein known to mankind!

I have 3 main problems with anatomy:
1. I never took an anatomy or physiology class in undergrad. You bet that I'm crying tears of deep regret and sorrow for that oversight.
2. I'm not a visual person. I can't see this stuff in my head, I can't form 3D images, I can't see relations easily. But don't worry, I have no intention of becoming anyone's future surgeon.
3. It's literally like trying to learn a new language. Maybe that's why I am so resentful - it's so much memorization of so many new words that I've never heard before in my life.

Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of blowing anatomy off since it's a part of every block for this year. But I will grudgingly study, complete with heavy sighs and many regrets for having chosen this path. Or maybe I will try to be interested in this, if only to maximize my studying.

Hahahahahaha. Interested in this. Not likely, when I have to know every freaking border, connection, innervation, vasculature of every muscle of the pelvic wall. Especially uninterested since anatomy of this excruciating detailed level will not be tested on the boards, nor carry any relevancy into my medical specialty of choice.

Oh, medical school. Times like this make me question every big decision I've ever made in my miserable life...

And this doesn't even touch on my pure loathing toward gross anatomy!

Mental Vacations

Without fail, I take a week-long mental vacation after every exam. It's my way of coping with the trauma of extreme sleep-deprivation and fears of failing spectacularly. The problem with taking exams on Monday and Tuesday is that by Wednesday we are expected to be ready to go, and this last week was a particularly cruel one that involved preceptorships, anatomy lab and a several tedious lectures. Some people, without a doubt, can go on with their lives and continue studying with due diligence. I, however, am not one of those people.

Exams take a lot of out me, and much of it has to do with my procrastinator lifestyle. By procrastinator, I don't mean the type that doesn't study and then crams on the weekend before an exam: I mean the type that should be studying an extra hour or two on top of the usual, and striving to stay continually focused, everyday of the week. Inevitably I fall behind on studying the material and find myself scrambling to really understand and internalize it all before the exam. That's my medical school version of procrastination, and the few days leading up to an exam are some of the most stressful days of my life. I don't eat well, I don't sleep well, my blood pressure and cortisol levels rise higher and higher, and my mental sanity is on the verge of cracking.

Thankfully I only have to go through this chaos about once a month, but it takes me a full week to recharge. What that means is that I spend more time sleeping, daydreaming and watching tv than I do focusing on lectures and powerpoints. But that's ok, because after my mental vacation I feel good; I feel relaxed, recharged and ready to tackle anything. My mind is clear, my body is energized and I'm back to a nice level of zen before s*** gets real (again) in a few weeks.

My mental vacation means that I will have to study twice as much this week to be caught up, but it sure was worth it.