Anatomy. I Hate It. So Much.

I'm supposed to be studying the pelvic wall right now, but I can't stand it and need a break. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm even a quarter of the way through the lecture and I'm starting to wish that I payed attention in class for this one. Yet the reason that I have difficulty paying attention in the first place is the same reason why I am not studying right now - I simply hate this subject! So much! Ironic, right, since my future profession is centered on knowledge of the human body. Maybe it's the way anatomy is taught at my school, or maybe it's the fact that I don't care for this subject. It's so cut and dry, so meh meh meh, know this border, know that ligament, know every God damn artery and vein known to mankind!

I have 3 main problems with anatomy:
1. I never took an anatomy or physiology class in undergrad. You bet that I'm crying tears of deep regret and sorrow for that oversight.
2. I'm not a visual person. I can't see this stuff in my head, I can't form 3D images, I can't see relations easily. But don't worry, I have no intention of becoming anyone's future surgeon.
3. It's literally like trying to learn a new language. Maybe that's why I am so resentful - it's so much memorization of so many new words that I've never heard before in my life.

Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of blowing anatomy off since it's a part of every block for this year. But I will grudgingly study, complete with heavy sighs and many regrets for having chosen this path. Or maybe I will try to be interested in this, if only to maximize my studying.

Hahahahahaha. Interested in this. Not likely, when I have to know every freaking border, connection, innervation, vasculature of every muscle of the pelvic wall. Especially uninterested since anatomy of this excruciating detailed level will not be tested on the boards, nor carry any relevancy into my medical specialty of choice.

Oh, medical school. Times like this make me question every big decision I've ever made in my miserable life...

And this doesn't even touch on my pure loathing toward gross anatomy!

Mental Vacations

Without fail, I take a week-long mental vacation after every exam. It's my way of coping with the trauma of extreme sleep-deprivation and fears of failing spectacularly. The problem with taking exams on Monday and Tuesday is that by Wednesday we are expected to be ready to go, and this last week was a particularly cruel one that involved preceptorships, anatomy lab and a several tedious lectures. Some people, without a doubt, can go on with their lives and continue studying with due diligence. I, however, am not one of those people.

Exams take a lot of out me, and much of it has to do with my procrastinator lifestyle. By procrastinator, I don't mean the type that doesn't study and then crams on the weekend before an exam: I mean the type that should be studying an extra hour or two on top of the usual, and striving to stay continually focused, everyday of the week. Inevitably I fall behind on studying the material and find myself scrambling to really understand and internalize it all before the exam. That's my medical school version of procrastination, and the few days leading up to an exam are some of the most stressful days of my life. I don't eat well, I don't sleep well, my blood pressure and cortisol levels rise higher and higher, and my mental sanity is on the verge of cracking.

Thankfully I only have to go through this chaos about once a month, but it takes me a full week to recharge. What that means is that I spend more time sleeping, daydreaming and watching tv than I do focusing on lectures and powerpoints. But that's ok, because after my mental vacation I feel good; I feel relaxed, recharged and ready to tackle anything. My mind is clear, my body is energized and I'm back to a nice level of zen before s*** gets real (again) in a few weeks.

My mental vacation means that I will have to study twice as much this week to be caught up, but it sure was worth it.

Istanbul

I realized that I never posted anything about my trip to Istanbul! Well, after our two week adventure in India, we stopped in Istanbul for a few days before heading back to the good ol' USA. This was about a year ago, and although it was winter the weather was pleasantly mild! I couldn't have asked for a better situation.

The visa process was super-easy, laughably so compared to India. In order for a U.S. citizen to get into Turkey, all they need is $20 and BOOM, stamp is on the passport. Yes, it is that easy!

I loved our boutique hotel, which was perfectly situated and had wonderful service. Hotel Seraglio is a veritable gem and I picked it due to the location (right in the heart of the old city) and rave reviews on Trip Advisor (which is a traveler's God-send!) My mother and aunt were very pleased as well. The hotel also provided a free transportation service with a 4 night stay and this turned out to be incredibly convenient as we landed in Istanbul at around midnight. There was also a complimentary breakfast buffet, as well as a complimentary tea-time, and the staff couldn't have been any more pleasant!

We spent three full days there and pictures will be on the way!

Happy New Year!

I've enjoyed almost three glorious weeks of winter break and I feel rejuvenated! I feel like I can take on the world, let alone medical school, and I'm ready to go full force. I've even chopped off all of my (extremely) long hair! I have a new haircut, a new attitude and a new motivation to do my absolute best during the next semester.

Alas, even though I'm on vacation, my mind still wanders to school. I've contemplated quite a bit, in regard to my motivation, my personal habits, and what I am and am not capable of. Last semester I was simply trying to keep my head above water. This time around, I'm strategizing and trying to figure out how to maximize my performance. For one, I need to make sleep a priority. Actually, not just need - MUST! The sleep deprivation I went through was hellish and I've built so much sleep debt that all of the sleep I had during these few weeks was not enough. Every day I wake up thinking that I did not get enough sleep. A good friend reminded me that medical school is not a sprint, it's a damn straight marathon. I was able to survive last semester with decent results, but I cannot keep it up if I don't get sufficient sleep. I know this now.

I'm also a lot more interested in what I am learning, and a lot more motivated to learn for the sake of learning. We are going to start preceptorships so the impending clinical exposure is making me more keen to fully learn the knowledge behind the practice. I'm actually excited about it!

If I keep this attitude throughout the semester, it just might be a good year after all.